When you live in a sharehouse, you’re living together at a closer distance than your normal friends. That’s why sharehouses are a place where a new kind of relationship is born – a relationship that is not that of a real family, but that of a “second family”, not friends either. One of the best things about a sharehouse is that you can learn about other people’s values that you would normally never know about, and through shared living you can discover new things and broaden your horizons.
We heard some voice from family members such as “The experience of living in Kizunaya sharehouse has enriched my life!” And the families who tell us that this very “different values and diversity of people” has expanded their horizons and their world! They often talk about it.
Of course, because people have different values each other, there are sometimes some conflicts or problems. At Kizunaya sharehouse, we don’t just try to create an environment where conflicts don’t occur, but we think that it’s important to think about how to overcome any conflicts that may occur.
Let us share three ideas about communication. We believe that if you have these three ideas for living in a sharehouse, most communication problems will disappear.
We receive questions and consultations about communication between residents. For example, you might say, “I miss my recent family members who moved in and didn’t say hello to me,” or “This person doesn’t follow the rules of living in a shared room…
If you are bothered by such behavior in others,
“The best way to solve it is to talk and communicate with the person directly.”
This is simply the quickest way to solve a communication problem.
For example, when you feel uncomfortable in communication, even if you ask someone else for advice, the person you ask can only help you with speculation.
”Maybe this person acted like this or that,” “Maybe it’s a misunderstanding,” “Maybe it’s better if you think of it this way.”
It may help you understand the other person a little better, but it is still hypothetical and will not solve the problem itself.
Also, it’s often the case that you tell someone else about your hurt feelings and get them to sympathize with you, but that’s just like complaining about your boss in a pub where he’s not around and getting them to sympathize with you, which doesn’t lead to a direct solution.
Giving up on the relationship with the other person. This is one way to do it, but if you feel uncomfortable with it, there is only one answer.
If you feel uncomfortable or question something in your communication with your partner, ask him or her directly.
That may take a lot of courage, but if you want to improve the relationship, it’s the shortest way to solve the problem.
For example, if you want to have a chance to talk, you can talk to someone on a moment’s notice and say, “I’ve got something I’d like to ask you…” or “I’d like to talk to you about it sometime”.
When you talk to someone, please listen with an understanding of why they are doing and what they are doing first. When you get to know the other person, you may find out that it was a misunderstanding, or you just didn’t get it, and as you get to know the other person, you may see things you didn’t see before. Also, during the discussion, instead of forcing our opinions on each other, we should ask ourselves why the other person did and what he or she did. Listen to try to understand first. Then, instead of imposing what you think, simply tell them. ‘This is what I wanted you to do!’ Instead of demanding that the other person say, “This is what made me sad,” try telling the other person that you are sad. If you try to get to know the person first, you can build a good relationship with them very quickly.
If you can’t talk to the person in question, Kizunaya has a communication consultation form exclusively for residents, and we will support you with advice on how to talk to each other directly and what opportunities you have to talk to each other.
The worst thing that can happen is that you “just want to say it”. If a communication question arises and you want to get it better, we encourage you to talk to the person directly from you first. It takes a lot of courage, but it also gives you a chance to get to know the other person better, which not only improves your relationship with each other, but also turns shared living into a comfortable one for you. In the true sense of the word, it’s probably through this kind of communication and dialogue that you can learn about various values.
The premise is that at Kizunaya sharehouse, we don’t think that this kind of communication conflict is a bad thing. In some sharehouses, such conflicts are perceived as troublesome by the management, so some sharehouses exclude the living room or try to avoid communication between the residents and the management as much as possible in order to avoid causing problems, but we do not believe that that is a communal living. We believe that communication problems are what deepens the relationship.
However, the most unhealthy thing to do is to only complain in his or her absence, or to say to the other person, “I want you to do this!” That’s asking too much. We want everyone to feel comfortable living in a shared living environment, which is why we believe in taking the time to talk to each other directly and understand each other.
It takes a lot of courage to talk to each other in person, but we’re up for the challenge! We would like to do our best to support families.
The second important concept we want to emphasize is the idea of having a sense of independence in sharehouse living. We think it’s important to ask yourself what you can do first before asking others for help not only in communication, but also in general shared life, We believe that thinking about others is very important in fostering relationships with others.
Here’s what someone once said to us; “Kizunaya sharehouse is a community share house! So they provide a good community, right? They’re not providing it at all! I want you to do this more!”
I’m sorry. We may not be able to fulfill your wishes for a shared life. We can’t give you the kind of life you’d like to live in a sharehouse, but we can support you with your two types of wills of your own: “What kind of life do I want to live here?” “Can I do here to make that happen?” We believe that we can only support you when you have these two wills of your own.
Of course, we’d like to manage operations of the sharehouse as quickly and appropriately as possible. On top of that, the main role in community building and sharehouse living is done by our family members. There’s nothing here that can be done for you, but rather we’d like to support you in your desire to live your life in this way.
Also, when you live in a sharehouse, you can’t be like “Do it this way!” “I want you to do this!“ Rather than wishing them, if “you think I’ll try it this way!” “I’ll try it myself!” and the fun is only multiplied when you have the initiative to do so. It’s not just in shared living, but when you have a problem with communication, you can ask yourself, “What can I do? You can double and cozy up your life.
Thinking about this again is hard? “I can’t think on my own!” If this is the case, a member of the management team who has been running the sharehouse for a long time will say “why don’t you try something like this?” We will give you advice and follow up on communication with them. In most cases, sharehouse companies are real estate companies, and in most cases, the operators do not know the ins and outs of life. Also, there are almost no sharehouse management companies that provide support for communication after moving in. On the other hand, Kizunaya sharehouses are run by members who have experience living in a sharehouse for a long time, so in various cases, they’ll help you think of ways to make your sharehouse life more enjoyable. Please feel free to ask us what you can do to help. Let us think about it with you.
The last thing I want to tell you is something that seems obvious, but is actually very important.
This is very important, but when something doesn’t feel right, the subject of what happens is “you” and then you have a dialogue. (I’ve said it twice)
A common case of a problem is “I’m fine, but I think it’s better to solve it because it’s going to get other people in trouble,” or “I think that person is going to get in trouble, so I’m bringing it up as a representative instead.
As a Kizunaya sharehouse, we don’t accept consultations that don’t have “You (I)“ as a subject in resolving communication. The reason for this is that if the person who is worried or doubtful about the problem is not present, there will be no one to discuss the problem based on a hypothesis.
It is not possible to solve the fundamental problem by saying, “We should solve the problem because that person feels this way,” or “I’m not in trouble, but everyone around me is,” because this does not lead to a fundamental solution.
We think the smoothest way to solve the problem is to have a direct dialogue with the person who wants to solve the problem. And what is important is how you feel.
It’s a very compassionate and kind way of thinking to care for someone in need. When you see someone like that, please tell them directly from the person in question so that they can take a step toward solving their problem for themselves.
At Kizunaya, we can’t help you with any problems other than those voiced by YOU, but if you ask us for advice, we will help you to live a comfortable life in a sharehouse based on the above three important points.
As we mentioned at the beginning of this article, Kizunaya sharehouse does not believe that problems and issues are bad. We think it’s not healthy to turn to dissatisfaction or blame others when problems arise.
When trouble arises, when things don’t go well for you, there may be some hints that will help you deepen your own shared life. When you learn from living in a sharehouse, it’s when you encounter something you don’t like that you can start to develop a new value system.
You are free to give up and say, “This is too much trouble. That’s fine. But if you want to face this in your mind, we would like to support you to live a comfortable life in Kizunaya.
If you want to make your life in Kizunaya comfortable, we want to support you. I wish all of our family members a very comfortable shared life!
The “communication problems” in this article are between individuals and are outside the scope of the contract. As the manager, we will deal with any problems based on the tenancy agreement.